There’s no bigger man than one that can beat others at a fundraiser. 

Jolly Pumpkin will host the second annual Indoor Pumpkin Pedal this Sunday at 2pm. Cleverly hidden under the guise of a fundraiser for Northern Michigan Mountain Bike Association, it’s actually a chance for area cyclists to flex their thigh muscles and measure themselves under unrealistic conditions against other, less motivated and unsuspecting people.

Just by lying about your weight, and reducing the amount of resistance on the Wahoo Kickr, you’ll outclimb people ten times faster than you. Is it a problem at fundraisers? Unfortunately, yes. As a result, event organizers will likely force entrants to strip naked and weigh themselves before and after their attempt to virtually climb Devil’s Dive, Gray Road or Island View.

This year’s event will be held under the auspicious cause of raising money to support grooming for the Winter Sports Singletrack, one of the most important pieces of work by NMMBA, the Department of Natural Resources, and indeed, America since we landed on the moon. It couldn’t happen without donations, and at $10 a head, Sunday should rake in anywhere from 10 to 20 million dollars, according to Facebook RSVPs.