Should Matt Acker’s Beard Pay A Separate Entry Fee?


Some critics have suggested that Acker’s manly red beard register on its own.

Matt Acker’s beard refused to comment on a report in The New York Times that called for it to pay its own way at bike races in 2016. Weighing more than Kaitlynn Patterson and actually taller that some riders, the beard has stayed completely silent amidst the turmoil.

Acker himself has always maintained that the beard offered no boost in power or performance, but after two years of unbelievable results and impressive riding, some news outlets have claimed that the facial decoration has indeed not only become sentient, but is actually in pretty good shape.

“The beard’s power-to-weight ratio would be absolutely astonishing, if only we could get it to talk and share its numbers,” commented on journalist, who opted to stay anonymous. “The beard would be a Tour contender on its own, we believe.”

Ahead of Fat Chance! at Crystal Mountain, now just three weeks away, the race promoter has fallen under fire to enforce some sort of restriction, testing, or new categorization. Short’s Brewing Fat Bike Series has released the following statement:

“At this point, we have two options on the table with Mr. Acker and and Mr. Acker’s beard. The first is to allow the rider and beard to race as normal in the 90 minute Long category, as they’ve registered. Our only other consideration at this time is to categorize them as a tandem and score them accordingly. Thank you.”

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